The Hilton Brisbane
Conference Room C
Wevv Mang is seated in a small pool of light at a large table. Before him is laid out piles of paper in manila envelopes. Wevv flips through them, reading a section, before looking over to another envelope. Behind him, Mr. Wang stands, unobtrusive, but ready to serve. The conference room windows have their blinds closed, and the dim light in from an array of track lighting on the ceiling. Suddenly, on the far side of the room, one set on the bank of television monitors flashes. Wevv looks up, and then reaches out and pushes a button on a console. The screen changes, as a man appears.
Man: Hey Wevv! Can you hear me?
Wevv: I can Charles. The video is a little choppy, but I can hear you. Hold on, I think the rest of the group is logging in.
More Television monitors light up, and Wevv pushes more buttons. Greetings are exchanged, jokes told, and technical details are worked out. Soon, the whole bank of monitors is alive with faces.
Wevv: OK, that’s everyone. Let’s get this meeting started shall we?
Joshua: Sounds good Wevv, why don't we start with the main reason for this meeting? Why are you quitting on us Wevv?
More people voice their agreement with the question.
Wevv: Gotta do this by the book Josh. That was Joshua Tekel, vice president of Operations. Well Josh, I’m quitting because I can. You see, I believe that my position as Owner was stifling this companies growth and –
Peter: Stifling! Are you kidding me?!? We were up 300% in sales! Revenue was coming in from sources I never even thought of! PLEASE WEVV! I’m begging you! Don't do this! We can work this out! PLEASE!
Peter is nearly in tears, his hands clasped in front of him, pleading.
Wevv: Pull yourself together Peter. Let the record show that was Peter Lieberman, Executive Vice-President of Marketing and Sales.
Thomas: Yeah Pete, get a grip.
Wevv: Easy Thom. Let’s do this by the book. I, Wevv Mang, do hereby call this meeting of the Board Of Directors of the Lords Of Pain Wrestling Federation to order to discuss the resignation of Wevv Mang, Owner and Chairman of The Board. Let all members state their full names and titles, please.
The roll call begins, and ends with Peter.
Peter: Peter Lieberman, Executive Vice President of Marketing and Sales. Wevv, come on man, don't do this! Think of the money! My god, we couldn't make those fucking bobbleheads fast enough, and the profit! Man, we could buy a third world country with that profit alone! Please! Don't quit!
Wevv: Peter, I’m muting you unless we need to hear from you. Now, you have all received my resignation papers, I trust? Good. There is no discussing this gentlemen. I am resigning and turning over control of the LPW to you, the Board Of Directors, to do with as you will. The matter for discussion before us, is the final details of my severance package and the terms and acceptance of my contract to return my status as that of a full wrestler. If you will kindly turn to page 27? Under Article 7, heading 4, section B…
The meeting drones on. Points are raised and discussed, but the meeting proceeds smoothly. As the hours creep by, one point brings an outburst from a member of the board.
Wevv: In my wrestling contract, if I might turn your attention to page 83, Article 42, Section C, subsection 4? The passage states” And Wevv has the option, if he so desires to accept independent employment opportunities, including within all branches of the organization of the LPW…yadda…yadda…yadda”. This means, Peter, that you can hire me to keep working for your department.
Peter: You mean?!?!?
Wevv: Yes. We can still keep working on marketing, LPW-O’s, the breakfast of Champions.
Wevv: Come on Pete, you think I could leave you hanging? With that much revenue? HELL NO! But I’m going to get paid this way.
Pete: No problem! Wait until I tell the gang! I tell ya Wevv, when we heard the news, I think George was ready to kill himself. He was so excited about the new line of sneakers you two were working on, and it almost killed him when he heard you were leaving. DAMN! That’s great news!
Wevv: So that’s an “Aye!” anyone else object? Susan? You think Legal might like to hire me from time to time to help out?
Susan: Are you kidding me? I think some members of our team were looking forward to the challenge of trying to sue you. But I’ve seen you operate and damn straight I want you on our side!
Wevv: (laughing) So that's another “Aye!”. Anyone else?
More hours tick by. Finally, after an early start and a late ending, the meeting starts to draw to a close. Wevv, having stood up to stretch and taken his suit jacket off, lets out a groan, and twists in place. He leans over to focus his bleary eyes on the final piece of paper. He flips it over, and looks up at the monitors.
Wevv: I believe that covers everything. All that is needed is the final vote of acceptance.
One by one, the members of the Board say the words ‘Aye!” adding their own, personal touches leading up the word. Some have a lot to say, some keep it short and simple.
One however, pauses a short, but significant, span of time before agreeing, saying nothing beyond the word. Wevv notices, but says nothing,
Finally, the formalities are over. Wevv stacks his papers up before him, and before closing the meeting, Wevv says his own piece.
Wevv: Thank you ladies and gentlemen. I’d just like to say that it’s been an honor and privilege to work with you. I know, after we lost my close personal friend and Co Owner Louis, that times looked tough. My departure from the office didn't help matters, but even through those dark times, we kept in touch, and managed to work through the ugliness. Thousands of miles couldn't break our dedication to make this company the best and strongest it’s ever been. Your support meant a lot to me. It still does. I’d like to thank each and every one of you for you hard work, and say that I have the utmost confidence that the fine tradition we have laid forth will carry on under your guidance in this new era. I look forward to this new relationship, as your humble employee, and know that together, we can continue to grow this company. Thank you.
Wevv sniffs, turns his back and raises a hand to wipe an eye. Before signing off, the Board members have a final few words of encouragement.
“Kick ass and take names Wevv!”
“Give ‘em hell Wevv!”
“No, thank you Wevv!”
“I’ll send the marketing strategy to release the Repo Files DVD to you right away Wevv!”
‘Um, yeah, about that Peter. WE need to talk.”
“Come on Susan! He signed a contract didn't he? What’s the hold-up?”
“Well Peter, I’ll lay it out for you in the meeting. Good luck Wevv!”
“Fuck Repo! Wevv, we can still do the DVD can't we?”
Wevv: That’s between you and Susan now Peter. In other words, that’s your problem.
Peter: Fuck! Call me when you get stateside Wevv. I want to see if you still got game. Good luck Wevv! Kick Misfit ass! It might help sell their merchandise!
Wevv: Take care Peter. My game might be rusty, but I can beat par!
Peter logs off. Wevv chuckles as he starts to put his papers into a briefcase. Wevv looks up, and sees one monitor still on.
Wevv: What is it Chuck?
Chuck Norris: You're up to something Wevv.
Chuck: Now that the others are gone, can you tell me one thing Wevv? Why are you doing this? I know you Wevv. You don't back down from a fight.
Wevv sighs, and closes his briefcase. He turns his back on Chuck, and reaches into his coat pocket, which is draped over a chair. He pulls out a cigarette case, and pulls out a hand rolled tube. He taps it on the case, and pulls out a lighter. He put the smoke in his mouth, and lights it, puffing to get it lit, and then drawing a lungful of smoke, slowly. He holds his breath, but then speaks, still holding his breath.
Wevv: It’s the only way Chuck. (Wevv exhales, shooting out a slow, steady steam of smoke into curl and wind around the ceiling). Or should I say, the best way to handle this situation. They don't want me Chuck. So, I’m bowing out.
Chuck: Just like that? There’s more to this than you’re telling Wevv.
Wevv: Chuck, I trust you. Out of everyone on that board, and there are some damn good people there Chuck. I know I got you into this, but you’ve worked with them Chuck. They're not perfect No one is.
A slow rumbling noise from outside is heard. It seems to ebb and flow.
Wevv: Do you hear that? Is that a thunderstorm?
Chuck: Don't change the subject Wevv. The only reason I took this job is because you asked me to Wevv. If you're out, then what am I supposed to do?
Wevv: Stay on board Chuck. Look, I confess. It’s about more than just bowing the will of the people. I can't tell you everything. The less you know, the better. But you have to trust me on this Chuck. I have a Plan.
The rumbling noise grows louder. Mr. Wang is still in his place, but he looks over at the window. Wevv, taking another toke, does too, and moves over to it. Before he can look through the blinds, Chuck draws his attention back.
Chuck: Can I at least ask about what made you go to Cuba?
Wevv: Cuba? Cuba was too good an opportunity to pass up. What is that noise?
Wevv sticks a finger in the blind, and peeks through.
Chuck: Was it something that happened in Cuba?
Wevv: You have got to be fucking kidding me. Huh? No, nothing happened in Cuba. It was a great time. I hope to go back someday. I always wanted my own island. Mr. Wang, do you see this shit?
Chuck: What’s going on?
Wevv: Mr. Wang, will you take care of this?
Mr. Wang, looking out the window, smiles and nods. He starts to head to the conference room door. He pauses, scratches his head, looks up, nods, and then grabs a potted plant. Wevv laughs.
Wevv: You're an evil man Kenzo. Chuck, you’re not going to believe this but –
A voice is broadcast over a loudspeaker from outside. It seems to shake the building. In low, guttural, yet somewhat dignified, a voice speaks.
Voice: WEVV MANG! GREETINGS FROM THE LORD HUMUNGOUS, THE WARRIOR OF THE WASTELAND! THE AYATOLLAH OF ROCK AND ROLLER!
Chuck: What the?
Wevv: You see Chuck? This –
Humongous: I AM TOLD THAT YOU THINK TO ONCE AGAIN SET FOOT IN THE PWA!
Wevv: (Smoke clenched in his teeth, puffing away, eyes narrowed) It’s LPW you idiot!
Humungous: THERE HAS BEEN TOO MUCH VOLIENCE! TOO MUCH PAIN! NONE HERE IS WITHOUT SIN! BUT, I HAVE AN HONORABLE COMPROMISE! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS …. JUST WALK AWAY WEVV! I WILL GIVE YOU SAFE PASSAGE THROUGH THE WASTELAND! JUST WALK AWAY!
Wevv: Idiot! I JUST QUIT YOU NITWIT!
Chuck: What’s going on?
Wevv: Hold on Chuck. I don't want to miss this. Kenzo just got outside.
Humungous: WALK AWAY AND THERE WILL BE AN END TO THE HORROR! WALK AWAY AND….HEY! HAVE YOU COME TO ACCEPT MY TERMS! ARE YOU WILLING TO – HEY!....HEY! LOOK OUT!
Chuck: What’s happening?!!
Wevv: (Laughing) Oh, Kenzo is just having a little fun.
Wevv turns back to face Chuck, and takes the smoke out of his mouth. He takes the roach, and looks around for an ashtray. He spots one.
Chuck: Well, good to see that some one is having some fun. So, you going to tell me what’s really going on?
The room shakes from an impact against the outside wall.
Wevv: Chuck. You're just going to have to trust me.
Humungous: STAY AWAY FROM ME! PUT THAT DOWN! NO! STAY -
The voice cuts out with a squawk of feedback. Wevv just looks at the concerned face of Chuck Norris and grins.
Wevv: Like I said Chuck, I have a –
Chuck: I know Wevv. You have a plan. Well, good luck with it.
Wevv: Don't worry Chuck. I wouldn't dare do anything when the eyes of a ranger are upon me.
Chuck: (Chuckling) You're never going to let me live that down, are you?
Wevv: (laughing) How can I? You sang your own theme song!
Chuck: Point taken. All right Wevv. You have a safe trip. We’ll get together when you get back. Best of luck Wevv.
Wevv: Thanks Chuck. Next time I’m in Texas, I’ll be sure to look behind me.
Chuck just smirks, and the monitor goes dark. Wevv stretches and exhales a deep breath. He moves over to the blinds and sees the mob of vehicles scattering in all directions. Wevv smirks.
Wevv: Indeed Chuck. The more eyes the better. I wouldn't want them to miss anything.
Wevv chuckles as he lets the blinds slip back into place, closing off the scene of carnage from outside.