“Evolution is a mystery
Full of change that no one sees
Clock makes a fool of history
Yesterday's so long ago, don't agree with what I know.
Tomorrow becomes a place to be.” – Motorhead; “Line In The Sand”
A Constructed View of Madness
Normally, when this time comes around like it seems to do week in and week out, I confront it differently. I travel the globe; I meet people both good and evil. I do wonderful things and I live a life most would envy. I see the world twice over and somehow eventually grow bored with it, that is the life I have chosen. My name is Drew Michaels and I am not only a champion wrestler, I am a master at the art of the promo.
Today, however, seems to be different. There are no adventures to be had, no battles to be won outside of the ring like there are within it. Instead, I want to focus more intensely on the events inside the ring and more specifically on the men I deal with within the aforementioned ring. These are men of a variety of characters, some much more upstanding than others, but what we all have in common is our participation in this fine sport of professional wrestling and more specifically in the company of Lords of Pain Wrestling. Thus, I have decided to use this time to explore the world of Lords of Pain Wrestling in this dissertation.
The first thing a good paper needs is a thesis statement, a point the paper is attempting to prove. This will be the focal argument of this entire creation, the main argument I am trying to make. In this paper, my thesis will be that the company of Lords of Pain Wrestling is in grave danger due to the foul forces running rampant. I hope to prove that numerous men I am dealing with in Lords of Pain Wrestling are of a lesser character first of all and second that this lesser character and thus lower moral standards are a grave threat to the company I love so dearly and represent so proudly as one half of the LPW Unified Tag Team Champions with my friend and ally Tromboner Man.
Rolling off of that, I want to present my own personal qualifications for writing this assessment. As I mentioned before, I am indeed the reigning LPW Unified Tag Team Champion alongside Tromboner Man but does not end my list of accomplishments that make me qualified to judge and observe this company. First off, I am also a former LPW United States Champion, now called the LPW Transatlantic Championship, and a former LPW International Champion. I also am the third ever Martinez Cup winner and, during the last draft, the number one draft pick in the entire company. Add that to my impressive four year tenure with the company, where I have competed on both brands during that time, and the time I have spent observing the way various other companies in the wrestling world work during my illustrious career and I feel that list of accomplishments proves that I am more than qualified to tackle any issue within the professional wrestling community and tackle it I shall.
First off, we have Damien Hammond Samuels; the President of Public Enemy Multimedia of which Lords of Pain Wrestling is a subsidiary. Mr. Samuels started as a young man known as Ham Sammich teaming with the veteran star Villiano 187 in the team Latino Meat. Vil and Ham met with some success, not a massive amount, and the pairing ended when Villiano turned on the young man and cast him out in order to join the group that became the Tough Guys alongside such luminaries as ex-Insanity General Manager Stanman and recently deposed LPW World Heavyweight Champion X. Hammond disappeared for some time before returning with his heart completely darkened alongside the Illuminati of SoL and Phantom Lord in an effort to take LPW, then called the Psychotic Wrestling Alliance or PWA, out of the hands of its owner Villiano 187 and into their own.
SoL, on the other hand, seems to be from a completely different path than Damien. SoL comes from money and knows only money; he is the stereotypical view of Hollywood given form. SoL reigned at the top of PWA Schizophrenia, now known as LPW Insanity, for years before his eventual downfall to first 2TX and then to his own ally D. Hammond Samuels. SoL continued for some time in the ring but did little of importance until retiring at the Altered Reality IV event and then returning to the ring once again on LPW Inferno in recent weeks.
SoL’s partner in crime at the time was Phantom Lord, a legend in his own time. Perhaps the greatest star to never win the World or International titles in LPW, Phantom has universally been considered to be the most evil man in the sport. His evil deeds even expanded to the point where the company he helped build alongside Villiano turned against him and cast him out into nothingness to fight on sideshows, county fairs, and for a short time FMW. However, now Phantom has returned to the land he created alongside his old allies in the Illuminati and one more…
That one more being Krimson Mask and his young Little Red Riding Hood, the nefarious couple who run the LPW Insanity brand with a twist of madness that none could have ever predicted. The pure psychosis that these two have brought to the company as a whole in their tenure here, both with Mask as a competitor and Little Red as an authority figure, could never have been imagined when Mask entered the company against Steven Taylor years ago. One World Heavyweight title and a Unified Tag Team Title reign later and Krimson Mask is a force to be dealt with at all times that has the ability to strike fear in almost any opponent that lines up against him in the ring. He rounds out the new Illuminati that look to rule this company through their various talents.
The question that arises, however, is that one has to wonder how the Illuminati are any different from the villainous, or heel as some within the industry call it, stables before it; from the Dark Brotherhood or Public Enemy or the Payroll. What makes this collection more dangerous to the overall health of the company than any of their predecessors? The answer, quite simply, lies in what I talked about earlier. It lies in their status as competitors. The Illuminati, individually and as an organization, have dominated LPW longer than any other collection of individuals possibly could with constant title reigns, shots, and marquee matches. These are the gods among men we aspire to be as competitors, these are the true Hall of Famers that stand above the rest. Hell, half of the group are already inducted into the Hall of Fame (SoL and Phantom Lord) while the other half (D. Hammond Samuels and Krimson Mask) are almost guaranteed entrants as soon as it is decided they will be placed into it. For a young superstar, the Illuminati have to be imposing and amazing at the same time.
To further cement this point, let me tell you a story of when I was hired by the Psychotic Wrestling Alliance. I was brought on to the Schizophrenia brand after the very successful Altered Reality II show where the Illuminati took control of the aforementioned brand and also inducted Pyromania superstars Jaro and Takeover into the fold to give them a cross-brand presence. After taking over Schizophrenia, the Illuminati brought in a wave of new talent such as myself (then called only Headbanger), Trey Spruance (then known as Stevie Richards V2), Al Boo Boo, Dragon Mask, and Edible Matthewson. This new wave of talent was meant to invigorate the brand and the company as a whole. Upon being brought in, I too saw the Illuminati as some type of amazing organization, these great minds who were willing to look down upon us and offer those below them the chance to compete near their own level. They were heroes to me but, more importantly, they were a lie.
The Illuminati were not nor have ever been the greatest collection of talent in the world. That is simple propaganda. The Illuminati are simply the highest class of thugs. They proved that the first time around when their methods to take over Schizophrenia included very prominently the breaking of Villiano 187’s arm in the middle of the ring and the genius decision to put the brand on the line in a scaffold match of all things, a scaffold match that D. Hammond Samuels then proceeded to lose. Now, the second time around and their big debut was a mauling of a number of Insanity superstars, and Eddie B., in the name of profit and their own egos. They are thugs through and through, they just class up their gang mentality behavior in order to put a good face on their vile actions.
However, that does not discount the success of the Illuminati. While it is true that more titles have graced the waists of the current Illuminati members, three out of the four have held the LPW World Heavyweight title with SoL doing it twice and Phantom making up for it with various other title reigns, one must notice that not all of that success has come as a part of the Illuminati or even because of their association with the Illuminati. Instead, you see that they have formed the Illuminati based on their successes meaning associating with them will not give you the success that some perhaps hope but instead you must be successful first and then you may enter into the realm of the Illuminati which may or may not give you the success you are hoping for (see Dragon, Red for an example).
The Red Dragon case proves that along with the fact every current Illuminati member lost in their matches at this pay-per-view cycle. However, this does not mean others have not tried to attach themselves to various Illuminati members recently. Cash Flo is an obvious example, his connection to SoL is nearly sickening to watch when one considers the parallels between the two. However, the people I am thinking of are a bit more experienced in the affairs of Lords of Pain Wrestling but still seem to have hitched themselves to the D. Hammond Samuels bandwagon despite what we all have seen in the lack of loyalty that Damian has for his associates. Those men are Bobino, NPD, and to a lesser extent Jeffery Watson. Styxx has also found himself in this group at times but seems to have drifted away after his performance at LPW Sacrament against the reigning and defending LPW International Champion Mass Chaos and also the introduction of what seems to be a friend from his past Cripsy.
Bobino is a man who has struggled to consistent throughout his career, being considered to “not show up” for a lot of matches. Bobino has been known to put on impressive showings with big time stars at times, Pen being a great example, but then will drop matches to nobodies like Chris K quickly and embarrassingly. Now Bobino may think he is back the right track and has thusly attached himself to Jeff Watson in an attempt to further himself on a young star whose stock is on the rise. Bobino has evolved from a once cunning future superstar in the industry to a simple leech riding on the coattails of those with more potential at this point than he.
NPD, on the other hand, has seen success despite his back and forth performances. NPD was the first big name I ever defeated in the LPW, defeating him the show after his unsuccessful bid for 2TX’s World title, and since then we have met time and time again in the ring including him defeating me to win the LPW International Heavyweight Championship for his short reign at the top. However, NPD quickly lost his title to White Falcon and failed to earn a title shot against both Styxx and then White Falcon. He has been inconsistent throughout his career and now it is once again costing him big.
Finally, we get to Jeff Watson, the tragic lover. Jeff had all the tools to be a star when he signed up to this company and looked like he could indeed make it big, especially when SoL took him under his wing to join the elite Entourage. Watson looked to be in the fast lane to success but faltered big time first when the Entourage fell apart and then again when his marital problems surfaced and cost him valuable time in his career worrying about who his soon to be ex-wife Maria Watson was sleeping around with this week and trying to exact some kind of vengeance.
These men have attached themselves to D. Hammond Samuels on Inferno in an attempt to further their careers, vendettas, title dreams, and other assorted factors. However, the time has come for this to end and that time is indeed now. Samuels has placed his puppets in a match against myself, Mass Chaos, and one UltraMarcus. We shall be the antithesis to the evil these men are propagating in an attempt to control Lords of Pain Wrestling. We are united, we are strong, we are valiant. Meanwhile, these men are but a random collection of individuals who are brought together not by any type of common ground but instead by their own immorality.
In conclusion, evil cannot win because it destroys all that stands between it and whatever goal it may have. Champions must rise up to defend Lords of Pain Wrestling or else everything we have ever worked on will perish in the flames, turned to nothing but ash and soot. The question is though, who will do it?