Taking Care of Business, again was an e-wrestling segment written by Wevv Mang in March 2006 as part of the Schizophrenia LIVE from Boston telecast. It was re-posted as part of The Nearly Complete Works of Wevv Mang - The PWA Years.
Promo[]
Wevv Mang is walking down a hallway in the PWA Building. By his side is Mr. Nobody, and trailing behind him, the faithful Mr. Wang. Wevv waves to the office staff as he passes, but can’t seem to make himself smile as warmly as he usually does.
Wevv: Good morning Tabitha. Now, Mr. Nobody, what is the problem? I assign you a simple task, and all I hear from you is complications, that result in said task being undone.
Mr. Nobody: You don’t understand. You don’t know Headbanger like I do, and once something gets set in his mind-
Wevv: Wrong. I do know Mr. Headbanger. I know his like quite well. Always with the violence. But this is not about Headbanger. Nor is it about one Trey Spruance. It is about Juliet, pure and simple. That waiver is for her safety as much as the PWA’s. As Mr. Headbanger so quaintly put in a recent letter to the front office, he feels that such a contract is…how to put this delicately…good morning Valerie! How are you? Splendid. Mr. Banger rambled on for several pages but it all boiled down to NO.
Mr. Nobody: So –
Wevv: Nothing! Listen to me! I haven’t got time to lay this out for you step by step! You wanted an opportunity and I’m giving you one! Juliet must be made to realize that signing that waiver is in her best interest! Do you understand?
Mr. Nobody: Yeah, I got it. But how-
Wevv: No buts! She signs the waiver or she doesn’t set foot in the building! Make that perfectly clear! There is no leeway on this! Now, let me make this perfectly clear to YOU. It’s in YOUR best interest to see that it happens. Now, get to work!
Wevv walks away in a huff, while Mr. Nobody watches him go.
Mr. Nobody: Yes, SIR! Mr. Deputy, SIR! I’ll get that waiver signed RIGHT AWAY SIR! Jeez, what a tight ass.
Mr. Nobody walks away, shaking his head. Wevv keeps on walking down the hallway, until he comes to a non-descript door. He looks to Mr. Wang, who shrugs and opens the door for him, Inside is the cleaning crews break room, and supply closet. There’s another door, and an old man sitting at a table.
Wevv: Excuse us, we’re looking for some one.
Old Man: Through that door. Second one today…
Wevv and Mr. Wang go over to the door, and Mr. Wang opens this one. Stairs can be seen in the harsh electric lighting. Wevv and Mr. Wang head downstairs, where faint music can be heard. At the bottom, a man sits behind a table, with a laptop on it, playing some unknown song.
Wevv: Ah, here you are. Setting up shop I see. Splendid!
Random: Well, if it isn’t the welcoming committee! Finally stopping in to say hello. I got a question for you Wevv. I thought I was going to get the star treatment when I moved to Schizophrenia. What happened?
Wevv looks around for a place to sit down, while Random laces his fingers together behind his head, and leans back in his chair. He keeps his face neutral. Mr. Wang finds a crate and pulls it over for Wevv to sit down in front of Random. He dusts it off, and then fades into the shadows.
Wevv: Star treatment? Is that what you wanted? I thought you were on a quest for Truth? Ah, but I see. You were expecting to be greeted with open arms, cries of joy, a parade and marching band, and a big party to herald the arrival of the Great and Mighty Random Guy #5! Is that what you wanted?
Random: I can’t deny it would have been nice…
Wevv: Ah. I see. Well, good day to you sir.
Wevv stands up, and turns to leave. Random unclasps his hands and leans forward.
Random: That’s it? You’re leaving?
Wevv: Yes. For a seeker of truth, you seem to only be able to spot the obvious. I have no use for some one like that. I wish you luck on Schizo. Now, good day to you sir.
Random: Hold on a second. What’s your game Wevv?
Wevv: Game? This is no game sir. This is serious. This is complicated. I talked Lou into bringing you on board. I made a mistake. Plans will have to be changed, but no matter. I thought you and I could work together, but I see that is not the case. Pity. You’re just another glory hound and we have plenty of those. If I wanted a loud mouth braggart, I would have kept Mass Chaos. No, our paths must tread different ground it seems.
Random: Now hold on a second. You brought me here for a reason. You never said what it is that you wanted, but allowed me to think that I would come in hot. Now, you let me dangle in the wind. Like my arrival was forgotten. I’m curious as to why.
Wevv, still standing, turns sideways, and sighs. He puts his arms behind his back, and stares off into the darkness.
Wevv: My uncle had a farm in Indiana. When I was growing up, we used to visit. He took pride in that place and worked on it tirelessly. He kept his place spotless. Yet one summer, I was playing with one of his dogs near the grain silo. The pup had found something interesting, and wouldn’t budge. I wanted to find out what had intrigued the dog so much, so I pulled open the door. Heh, I got a face full of corn for my trouble. But I got more than that. Seems that some rats had crept into the silo and were gorging themselves on the grain. Startled, the rats tried to attack me. Later, I asked my Uncle how rats had come to be in his pristine silo. I couldn’t understand how such creatures could exist in this perfect world. He said that no matter how clean you keep a place, if you look hard enough, there’s always vermin about.
Random: Nice story. Touching.
Wevv: Thank you. And it’s all a lie. You’re a bright fellow Random. I’m sure you’ll get the point of my story. Maybe some day. But for now, I’ll simply leave you with this. We’ll be in touch. Mr. Wang?
Mr. Wang appears out of the shadows behind Random. Random jumps as Mr. Wang places a folded piece of paper on his desk. With a tip of his hat, Mr. Wang falls into step behind Wevv as he climbs the stairs.
Random watches them go, and then reaches over and unfolds the paper. He reads it and grunts. He then folds it back up and sticks it in his back pocket. He then goes back to working on his laptop.