The camera walks down an elegant wood paneled hallway to a set of double doors. The doors open and inside we see an elaborate gym, complete with a wrestling ring, free weights, Nautilus machines, punching bags, and mats on the floor. Wevv Mang is in the ring, going through his paces against two men wearing protective gear, under the watchful eye of Mr. Wang, who is wearing a tracksuit and has a whistle in his mouth. The camera stops, and Crotch appears in frame, and starts to speak.
Crotch: How do I look? Do I look OK? Shades on or off for this one?
A whistle sounds behind him, and Crotch turns to see the two unknown men on the ground and Wevv applying a Fujiwara armbar to one, and his legs wrapped around the head and neck of the other. Mr. Wang drops to the mat, and whistles again. Wevv breaks the hold, and gets up, along with the two other men. He shakes their hand, and the two roll out of the ring, one rubbing his neck, the other his shoulder. Mr. Wang pats Wevv on the shoulder, and points over to Crotch and the cameraman. He holds up a hand, and five fingers. Wevv nods his head and rolls out of the ring to sit on the apron.
Crotch and the cameraman rush towards the ring.
Crotch: Wevv! Buddy! How are you? Quiet a show there! Tell me-
Mr. Wang blocks him, and shakes his head. He hands Wevv a towel.
Crotch: Mr. Wang! I was just- Oh, I get it.
Mr. Wang puts a large hand on Crotch’s shoulder and forces him off camera, but pops back in and holds up a hand with five fingers raised. The meaning is clear. Five minutes only.
The camera takes a position in front of a smirking Wevv, who wipes his face with the towels, heaves a deep sigh and looks straight into the camera.
Wevv: All men are created equal the Wise Men would have you believe. I do not agree with that statement. Indeed, but we are not here to discuss philosophy. We are here to talk about a match. One in which six tag teams will enter into a battle for the Ages!
Wevv: I have espoused the benefits of this administration, saying that under our benevolent guidance, fairness and opportunity will be upheld. Now, six hungry teams will compete for the top prize. The Tag Team Titles. All teams are equal and it’s anyone’s guess as to who will walk away with the Gold.
Wevv: Now, I am a changed man. I’m sure my worthy opponents fully expect me to take the Low road and attack their many character flaws, their shortcomings as human beings, and their less than adequate hygiene habits. But I will take the high road. After all, if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all is how the axiom goes.
Wevv: So, instead I will answer your unspoken questions about me. Do I still have “IT”? Do I still have that drive? Now that I reached a pinnacle, is there any further to go? Am I satisfied?
Wevv: The answer to those questions is Yes, Yes, No, and No. I have held those tag team belts and watched them slip from my grasp, well before I was ready to see them go. There was still so much to do, so much honor and prestige to restore, in a way that only I could. I blame only myself. I was distracted, preoccupied, and came out on the losing end. Indeed, I was the “Lesser Man”. In that conflict. But now think about where I am. I lost on battle and won another. I snatched victory from the jaws of defeat! And I am ready to pick up where I left off. Stronger. More focused.
Wevv: All men are not created equal. While this….this….Barnyard Brawl may even the odds, it does not make us equal. My partner, my brother, is not an average man. He rose against the odds and won. He has business he wants to take care off. Woes betide any who steps in his way. And myself? I have business I want to take care of, and well, the Wevvheads know the score on that one.
Wevv: So my opponents, a word of advice. It matters not what your name is, or who your partner is, or what title you hold, or even how much you want to get even. We all have certain injustices we want to correct, or slights to revenge. My eyes are on the prize. We may all be equal going in, but only one team is coming out with the titles. I know what my job is. To restore honor that was lost. To correct the mistakes of the past. And there is only one acceptable way to do that. Win. Gentlemen, the championship belts are coming home. To me. To Villiano. And together, we will show why we are more than your equal. We are simply the better men.
A whistle from off screen heralds the return of Mr. Wang. Wevv hops down off the ring apron and slings the towel around his neck, as Mr. Wang holds up a hand in front of the camera. Crotch’s voice can be heard, as the camera slowly fades.
Crotch: Dude, you would not believe the chicks he has for physical trainers! You gotta check them out! This one chick was totally digging me! Hey! Get your hands off me! Alright! Alright! We’re going! Man! For little girl, you’re sure strong! OW!