THE MIDAS PLAGUE
It is me again, your favorite Little Red. How are you today? Wait, why am I asking how you are doing? You are just a dieary. You do not have feelings. But me. I have very good feelings now that Krimmy has the World Heavyweight Championship belt. Ooh, if only you had eyes and could see how sparkly the belt is. Often times during the day, when me and Krimmy are out in the woods, I like to carry it and see my golden reflection off of it as I skip to and fro. I still can not believe it that Krimmy did it and won this big piece of pretty gold. I still remember the moment he first won it. I was so happy that tears of joy started running down my face. I like being happy like that, but not when I am so happy that I start to cry. When I start to cry, it makes me less attractive and then the snot comes out. You know what I am talking about. Oh please. Do not pretend that you have no snot. Everyone has snot. Well, not you Dieary, but everyone else does. Did I ever tell you the one time I had the worst runny nose in the entire history of mankind. My nose resembled some sort of never ending booger abyss where my nose was swimming with glaciers of snot in it. My running nose was pouring out more fluids than the worlds greatest waterfall. It was horrible. I tried to combat the booger precipitation by taking lots of orange juice, tissues, and grape flavored children’s cold medicine that Grandmother had made for me. But of course, it was little use. There was no end to the continuous rivers of snot that were emptying out of my snout. I was pretty sure that if I sneezed at someone, they would say God Bless You, and then that person would suddenly fall over and die because of the tragic nature of my projectile killer mucus germs that would shoot out of my nose like a cannon. So yeah, fortunately when I was crying tears of joy, I did not have snot like that today.
Often times, when my bloodbeast is taking a nap in the forest, I try to recreate the moment when Krimmy first won this World title, since I was happy when it happened. But the problem is that I do not have the budget to make it look as good. So instead, I play Remake Believe. It is just like Make Believe, except that it has already happened. Since I can not have an actual LPW ring with a canvas mat in the forest, I instead laid down my red and white checkered picnic cloth and use that as my wrestling mat. I set this up between four large oak trees. These trees act as the turnbuckles. Since I have no ropes, I grab some very long wooden branches and connect them with the tree turnbuckles. YAY! Now the ring is done. But where are all the people? For the make believe fans, I grabbed a couple of pages from you Dieary and then I drew stick figure people on the paper. They look very good if I say so myself. Mother always said that I am a good artist. After I sit the people down, they always run away. I think it is the wind that makes them run away. I hate that. I always have to run after the stick figure people on paper and make them sit down again. It gets very tiring sometimes.
Ooh, and also, every once in awhile, a couple of squirrels like to watch as spectators. I sprinkled the land with acorns so that they would come out to show them Krimmys crowning moment. They usually just keep munching on their nuts.
Anywho, when I play this, I role play the part of Krimson Mask. I paint my face with excessive red make-up to make it look like my face is bleeding mascara. It is supposed to be me in a mask. I must look very scary when I sneak up behind those squirrels and shout BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA! They drop their nuts then.
As for Al, I auditioned a little teddy bear to be him. I had the teddy in my little wooden basket. With me as Krimmy, the teddy as Al, and the stick figures as the crowd, we all ready in the ring to recreate the match. Ding. There is the bell. I hit the Al teddy bear with punches and big boots and bearhugs and samoan drops. Take that Al! Then towards the end of the match, I even locked in the Bloodklot. How do you like that? Try to get out of this! You should have seen the Al teddy bear squirm as I locked my arms around his furry little arms and neck. There was no way he was gonna get out of that one. Tee hee hee hee hee. But then he did. Shucks. If you remember, at the end of the real match, Stone came into the ring with the belt and interfered to help Krimmy win the title. So in my role play, I use a stone to play the role of Stone. How fitting. I use the stone to carry the title belt and blindside the Al bear in the head. That is one boo boo that will not go away. Then I nail the Bloodrush DDT on the teddy and then I count 1, 2, 3. Ding ding ding. Krimmy is the new champion. Hip hip hoorah. Then I climb the tree turnbuckles and raise the belt high into the air as all the stick figure people and squirrels boo me. It is a lot of fun. Everyone should do it.
I just wish I could tell Grandmother all about it. I miss her soooooooooooooooooo much. Every time that me and Krimmy went to Grandmothers house, me and her would bake goodies together while Krimmy went outside to chop wood. Then at night-night time, she would tuck me in, right along with my little teddy bear, give me a little kiss on the cheek, and I would tell her all about the exciting adventures that me and Krimmy had encountered. I wish I could do that right now. Instead of telling one to Grandmother, I think it would be fun if I told you a bedtime story instead. Are you ready for this one Dieary? Okay. Here it goes.
Once upon a time, in a land far far away, at a time long long ago, the giant Blunderbore was trying to destroy the castle of King Midas so that he could reclaim a golden harp that had been stolen from him. The King needed to listen to the golden harp to subdue his cursed Midas Touch, or otherwise his entire kingdom would turn to gold. With the castle on the verge of collapsation from the punishing club shots of that big meanie Blunderbore, Krimmy ran into the castle and grabbed the harp. He escaped the castle with the harp in hand, then jumped on a horse with me, and giddy-upped to the isolated country side to lure the giant away from destroying the king and the palace of Pessinus. I was there. I was never more scared in my entire life, even the time I had that horrible runny nose where I thought I was gonna drown myself in snot fluid. Yup, even more scared than that if you can believe it. Blunderbore chased after us and was about to crush Krimmy into the ground. Just when his club was about to hammer Krimmys head, a magical beanstalk rose Krimmy up and he leaped at the giant with his axe. And just like that, the giant was slayed. Whew. You could not believe how relieved I was that the giant was dead. You also could not have believed the size of his gargantuan nose nostrils. I looked in them. They were as big as caves. Ever since I was about 4 years old, I always wondered what a giants boogers looked like. I wanted to go inside and maybe even play hide and seek in his nostrils, but Krimmy did not let me. I wonder it would be like to go snot sliding in his nose when he would have a cold. Yuck.
When we arrived back to the kingdom of Pessinus with the golden harp, we were greeted with a heroes welcome. All the townspeople were jumping up and down higher than bunny rabbits on pogo sticks. You could not believe how loud their cheering was. It was like listening to a choir of banshees without a director. The peasants were even showering us with flowers. They were so happy that the kingdom was saved, thanks all to the heroic efforts of my Krimmy. To them, Krimson Mask was the greatest hero in all the kingdom.
While the celebration rained in the streets, we came upon the castle of King Midas. It was destroyed beyond repair. Bricks were falling out of the building, crashing into the castles moat. The falling bricks were causing huge ripples in the moats water. The top dome of the palace had been ripped open like a can lid. It was just a matter of time until that would fall off the castle as well. When we entered the beaten palace, the advisor to the king was really loopy and pleaded us to come into the throne room. We rushed up there to all gasp at what had happened. King Midas was pinned under a now-golden pillar, but the real shocker was that from head to toe, his entire body was now immortalized in gold as well. Trapped underneath the large pillar, his hands had been pinned to his body. When Krimmy took away the golden harp to lure the giant away, the cursed condition of the Midas Touch must have returned to the King and now he had turned himself into a golden statue. Krimmy placed the golden harp where it had previously been, but the soothing songs of the harp could not reverse the condition of the statuelyzed ruler. Oh dear. Now what shall we do?
The council men of the throne were aghast at what had occurred. They quarreled at the top of their lungs to come up with a theory on how to return the Highness back to his human form. After many hours of debate, the eldest council man suggested that the best way to reverse the Midas Touch was for someone to go to the far away Valley of Vineyard to find the one named Lucky Luck, for it was said that Lucky Luck was the most wise in all the world. It was said that if Lucky Luck could not help, then no one on earth could. I was just wondering who names themselves Lucky Luck. What a stupid name.
The question arose as to who would leave to acquire such an answer, for the journey to Vineyard was sure to be a hard travel. All the council men in the room turned and looked at Krimmy, for he was the one who had saved the kingdom from the giant. But he was also the one who took away the golden harp which had caused the unfortunate current condition of the King. The eldest council man gave one bit of advice to me and Krimmy before we left. When we would meet the one named Lucky Luck, never utter a word to him until he would say the first word.
Just as we were leaving for our mission, a servant in the throne room went to attend to the golden immobilized King. As the servant approached Midas, he said that he saw something strange on the Kings arm and reached out his hand to touch the statue. The eldest of the council man shouted NOOOOOOOO! But it was already too late. As the servants forefinger touched the forearm of Midas, a golden patch suddenly surged across the servants arm like some kind of symbiotic substance. Oh NO! The golden vicious substance started to spread through his arm as his skin began to dissolve and transform to gold. He was being turned into a statue just like the King! The servant opened his mouth and gasped for help. HELP ME! HELP ME! HELP ME! he screamed and screamed and screamed in horror. GET IT OFF! GET IT and that is when his last amounts of oxygen had been cut off. You can not imagine the terror in his eyes. Thick goldness violently rushed across his face like the waters of an ocean rush over a beachy shore. His sky blue eyes began to convert to a blank marigold color. He tried to wave and flail his arms to get the unknown infection off him, but his arms quickly became hard as rock too. His entire body was getting more hard and as he tried harder to fight it. Finally, with the last bit of fight he had left in him, he locked up and fell to the ground with a great THUD! Unfortunately, the statuelyzed servant fell right on the golden harp, crushing the musical instrument to pieces. Figures huh? How convenient? The only thing in the world that could subdue the Midas Touch had now been destroyed. Everyone in the throne room could not believe what had happened. With the songs of the harp now muted, the white porcelain floor underneath King Midas had now begun to slowly convert to gold. It was like watching a cancer spread its disease over everything that it came in contact with.
Ever so slowly, the bullion ground began to broaden its infection. Another servant who was more curious than a cat, decided to remain standing where the gold was spreading. As the gold came underneath him, he too suffered the same fate as the aforementioned servant. His entire body was drastically altered by the golden contamination as he moaned for escape until he fatefully became paralyzed in gold. But after consuming the body of this servant, the Midas Plague escalated its infectious speed and became faster. Everyone in the room tried to escape the palace, but unfortunately for the elder men, they were too slow and were also consumed by the outbreak as well. With more victims, the Midas Plague grew stronger and grew even faster. By the time me and Krimmy were outside the palace, almost the entire royal fortress had been turned to gold. As we looked on, the Midas Plague was beginning to cover the bottom of the castles walls and was about to reach the castles moat. Fortunately, the Midas Plague had met its match at the moat, since the Midas Touch had slowed down at the water.
We had no time to waste. Surely the water would not stop the deadly scourge. The question that everyone did not know was when would the Midas Plague get past the water and continue its onslaught on the earth. It could be in a minute, or it could be days. Who could know? All the survivors from the palace quickly tried their best to warn and evacuate all the people from the village. While they did, Krimmy found us a horsie and we galloped to the Valley of Vineyard to find the one named Lucky Luck. Man, that name is stupid.
We galloped and galloped and galloped for days. Three days we rode and never saw one single living being. Finally, after three days of being all alone without have eaten but a piece of bread, the forest became clear and we entered a beautiful valley. We continued our journey where we saw a beautiful cottage. Me and Krimmy jumped off our steed and entered the home to find who lived there so that we may have something to eat. We knocked and were greeted by a very nice old lady. She was very cheerful to see some company. She invited us in to her home, let us rest, and gave us food to eat. After we had our bellies full, she asked why we were visiting these parts. I told her everything about how Krimmy slayed the giant, to King Midas being paralyzed by his own hand, to the revulsion that we saw from the Midas Plague. So we needed to find and speak to Lucky Luck to find the answers to end the cursed outbreak, since he was the only one who could possibly know.
The nice old lady told us that she was Lucky Luck’s mother, and that Lucky was out in the valley tending the garden. She gave us two small shovels and told us to dig with him, but not to utter a word to him. We pleaded to the mother that we must speak with him urgently, but the mother said that this was the only way to obtain the wisdom of Lucky. The old lady continued that he never speaks a word to a stranger if he would try to engage his wisdom first. She continued that when nightfall approaches, he will leave his garden and come home to eat his dinner. We would have to follow him and sit next to him. After dinner, he would question us and then and only then would he be able to answer our questions. For as she finished, wisdom requires patience.
So me and Krimmy met Lucky in the valley and we helped him dig and plant several plants, all the while never saying a single word to him. He looked at us with curiosity, but he likewise never uttered a single word. As nightfall approached, we followed Lucky home and ate supper together. After dinner, and we were resting comfortably, he approached us and suddenly began to speak.
“Tell me, what sort of people are you? Since you came here, you have not said a single word to me.”
Krimmy looked at him in silence with a little smirk of amusement on his masked face. I guess Krimmy did not speak much back then also. Anywho, I told Lucky that he was foolish for asking such a question, since he already knew why. Sure enough, he knew all about our troubles in the kingdom of Pessinus, since in his infinite wisdom, he could read our minds like a book. Or a Dieary in your case. How the heck he could do that, I have no idea. I guess that is why he is so wise and stuff. So Lucky Luck told us.
“Return back to Pessinus. When you arrive, the entire kingdom will be engulfed in gold and will already be spreading to parts of the neighboring forest. Krimson Mask, do as I tell you if you want the kingdom to be saved. When you approach the spreading Midas Plague, prick your forefinger with a needle. With just three drops of your blood, the outbreak will be cleansed and retreat. The blood will dissolve all the gold that became part of the Plague and all the gold that existed before. As you saw, the waters of the moat were able to slow down the disease, but without the presence of human liquid, the disease is able to continue its spread. Where the gold-infested Midas Plague represents the evils of greed, your crimson blood represents the purity of life. The blood of life will destroy this plight.”
And that was it. That was the big secret. Just drop a few drops of blood into the Midas Plague and just like that, and it would be all over. Why not just take a giant crap in the thing and then the purity of our poopers could cleanse the stupid plague? Gosh. How lame. I thought he was gonna say that we had to do something really hard, like go to a dark side of the world and enter the domains of an evil mountain where we would have to battle through an army of ogres, sword fight against flying goblins, and then finally defeat a fire-breathing dragon all just in order to find a magical elixir that would dissolve the plague with its magical potion. But noooooooooooo. All that it required was three drips of blood from our frickin finger. Jeez.
So me and Krimmy jumped back on our horse and rode back towards Pessinus. Sure enough, the entire kingdom was immersed in gold and was spreading throughout the forest. Krimmy got off the horse, pricked his forefinger, and let three drops of his blood hit the spreading Midas Plague. The golden outbreak retreated and everything returned as it once was. The village was once again clean. The stupid servants who touched the diseased gold were human again. Even King Midas had returned to being normal again. Not only that, but the Midas Touch was finally ended for good. Everything was great. Right? Wrong.
We were exiled from the kingdom.
The damn council men convinced King Midas that we were responsible for the Plague. Not only that, but we were also responsible for leaving the kingdom bankrupt, since the cure to the plague wiped out every single piece of gold the kingdom had ever had.
When once Krimmy was praised for his bravery and courage by saving the kingdom and his Highness from the deadly onslaught of the giant Blunderbore, now Krimmy was being accused for abandoning the King while he was trapped underneath that pillar. The council men accused Krimmy of causing the Midas Plague, since he could have helped Midas out of the pillar. If he had saved the King instead of luring away the giant, then the king and kingdom would never had suffered the way it did. They said Krimmy had no honor. Did you read that? No honor! Please. What did they know? They were more full of poo poo than a bull with a dysfunctional bladder.
Of course, they never would consider that if Krimmy had tried to help the King from the trapped pillar, the giant would have destroyed the castle and killed them both and probably the entire kingdom after that. It was just a choice that Krimmy had to make in the moment. But the council men did not even care. They did not even care that Krimmy had saved the kingdom a second time when he purged the Midas Plague with his blood. All they wanted to see was the destruction of a hero.
And that is why it is so sorry that Krimmy has to decimate this so-called hero named Rogue. He has no idea how hard the fall is. When once Krimmy was a hero, he was instantly reduced to nothing but a zero. Its not fair. It does not matter what kinds of great praiseworthy deeds or extraordinary feats that Rogue can manage to do. Eventually in time, all the people will hate him after just one little misstep. After each success, they will come to expect more and then more and then more and then more and then more and then more and then more and then more and then more and then more and then more and then more and then more and then more and then more and then more and then more and then more. In time, it becomes too much. The people will then grow to expect the more, and eventually the impossible. He has no idea what happens when one hero has to make a choice. When he has to pick his poison and live with it. No hero can be in the same place at twice, just like how Krimmy had to choose when the castle was collapsing in front of him. Pick the golden harp to save the entire kingdom but risk the Kings life, or choose the Kings life and risk the lives of everyone in that collapsing palace. Krimmy choosed to take the golden harp to save the lives of the kingdoms people. At the time, Krimmy picked the lesser of two evils. Now that I think about, it was a lot like picking your nose. You really can not pick both nostrils at once. You can only pick one nostril. After all, if you start picking both, then you really can not get the full picking power in your forefingers when you are trying to get those really stubborn boogers that are really deep inside your nose. You know what happens. You push those boogers further back in your nose where it gets lodged into your brain. Then it is almost impossible to get them within finger distance when you decide to pick your nose again. That is when you really hope that a violent sneeze is coming up. Just when you think you are about to sneeze, and the boogers will get unlodged in your brain so you can pick them out, the feeling for the sneeze stops and you are left with nothing. Nothing. And that is kinda like what will eventually happen to Rogue. He will be nothing. He will be nothing to the fans and all that adore the so-called hero. He will have to pick one, and deal with the consequences of not choosing the other choice. If that makes sense.
Let me tell you Dieary. Rogue is picking the wrong nose by calling out Krimmy. I do not know if he eats boogers or not, but he is picking more than he can chew with this match. Just imagine what happens if he is successful by defeating my monster? He will have to dig deeper to bring out the same performances every time out. The first time he fails, he is done, just like how someone would be done if they got in the way of my killer mucus germs after I violently sneeze and I have no tissues available. Now that is truly scary. Tee hee hee hee AH CHOOOOOOOOOO!